Archive for the ‘Poorly Written’ Category

My Philosophy


Brian: “What were you thinking Dan?”
Me (a little taken aback ): “Well…. I don’t have any hiking boots, anyway hiking is gay”

This moment really made me think. What was I doing there? What was I thinking? Had I made a foolish choice?

To a great extent we are defined by our choices. The choice whether to drink/smoke/take drugs. The choice to treat all people with respect and be considered a nice guy or be an apathetic obnoxious cunt and have everyone think you’re cool. The choice whether to buy a PC or Mac.

On our recent trip to the Mourne Mountains I made a defining choice. I decided that instead of taking a pair of sturdy hiking boots in order to handle the ~2hr walk-ins to the crags, I would break the mould and bring only a pair of purple canvas shoes I bought in RiverIsland for €10.

When Brian asked me “What was I thinking?” I felt pretty stupid, like someone who had decided to take a jaunt up Shit Creak armed with only a fashionable but totally impractical item rather than the more sensible choice of a paddle. Then I had an ephinany. I had not made a stupid choice at all. I had in fact done the cleverest thing in my life to date. 

Hiking boots are big and heavy and generally look pretty uncool. They don’t come in a range of unusual colours and you can’t get them in a shop where you can see the penis veins of the shop assisants through their incredibly tight skinny jeans. As good as they are at keeping your feet dry and preventing you from twisting your ankle on the uneven ground, you will not be able to pull an attractive mildly attainable Alt broad with glorious pert tits when you’re wearing them (unless of course you’re wearing them in a really ironic way, which is pretty hard and I don’t think I have the charm, wit, confidence or intelligence to pull it off).

You cannot, however, go wrong with a pair of purple Keds

The shoes I wore to the mountains

The shoes I wore to the mountains

My philosopy in life is that one should always dress as if they are on their way to a party. No matter how uneven the ground is, no matter how bad the weather happens to be, no matter how much the squares around you are questioning your decisions, you should always keep in mind that you may just bump into the Alt broad of your dreams and, god forbid, that day comes when you happen to have made the sensible choice and decided to wear some practical hiking boots then you my friend deserve the intolerable pain of missing a golden oppurtunity.